I worked as a gardener at a mental hospital and Martin, my manager, had an office to himself in the newer part of the building.

One day the hospital director decided that Martin didn’t really need an office to himself and moved him to a shared office, still in the newer part of the hospital.

A short while later the hospital director decided she needed someone else in that office and moved Martin to a smaller office in the old part of the building – opposite the lavatories.

A month or so later I was about to enter the hospital when I saw the hospital director standing in reception next to the open door of the visitors toilet.

As I walked past the open door I glanced in and saw Martin examining the walls….

I couldn’t help myself….

I said “Hello Martin, new office?”

Her: “I’m really broke!”

Me: “How broke, we got paid just last week.”

Her: “I’m down to my last pound.”

Me: “Well if you’re considering selling your body let me know and I’ll ask around.”

(There was a pause)

Me: “Oh, wait, you’ve already started!”

Her: “What do you mean!”

Me: “You have a pound.”

Working as a gardener for a mental hospital I needed a wheelbarrow to move a lot of soil, so I ordered one and when it arrived one of the maintenance guys put it together for me.

One morning I started to move soil from the yard to the rear garden of a ward. There were a couple of patients in the garden so I told the ward staff what I was doing and that the patients were OK to stay as I had nothing they could use to harm themselves.

As I was shovelling soil for the sixth load the wheelbarrow suddenly lurched to the side. As I tried to straighten it the barrow fell over, and when I looked under it I saw that the wheel had come off.

I got on the radio and called the maintenance department.

“Steve to Maintenance, are you receiving?”

No answer.

“Steve to Maintenance, are you receiving?”

I waited a while.

The guy that put the barrow together answered – “Jono here, what’s up Steve?”

“Well I used to have a wheelbarrow, but now I only have a barrow because the wheel fell off.”

It was an open radio system and my message was broadcast around most of the hospital. The lead receptionist told me later she was inducting some new staff but had to stop as they were all laughing.